Gym Rules for Non-Fitness

1) First, never have a goal or a conscious strategy regarding what you are trying to accomplish- just go in and basically do what everyone else does.
2) Never seek professional assistance, even if you’ve never been in a gym before...just watch others and copy what they do.
3) Whenever possible, perform your arm curls in a power rack. If the gym has bumper plates, use them for the curls instead of regular metal plates.
4) Always drink Gatorade before, during and after your “workout.” After all, if you let your glycogen stores become depleted, your body might actually have to start accessing fat stores for fuel.
5) A walkman with headphones is mandatory- without this important device, you might have to actually become conscious of what you are doing.
6) Avoid the “Evil 5:” Squats, dead lifts, dips, chins, and Olympic lifts. Of special importance: even though many gyms feature a stylized pictogram of the snatch lift as part of their logo, NEVER perform a snatch in a gym. NEVER.
7) Instead, concentrate on the “Golden 5:” Bench presses, arm curls, behind the neck presses, lat pull downs behind the neck, and dumbbell side bends.
8) Always leave your weights on the apparatus you just used- you may risk burning an additional 6 calories if you replace them.
9) To impress others with your dedication and expertise, always bring in a copy of Men’s Fitness, and emulate the latest midsection workout by leaving the magazine open on the bench next to you, and carefully study the photos between sets to make sure you’re doing it right.
10) Lastly make ample use of wrist wraps, belts, knee wraps, elbow wraps, you name it- really go for that “mummy” look that’s so in vogue these days.